


Fuck it!

by NaraMerald



Category: K-pop, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: AU, Does J-Hope even get to say anything other than 'Aigoo'?, Gen, Jackson messing around, Jungkook is evil, Oh no I didn't (Oh yes I did), Rapmon is in trouble again, Swearing, This is pretty much crack, everyone's an asshole, fanbaiting, insulting other bands, mentions of EXO, mentions of Got7, mentions of Seventeen, trolling ARMY, unbetad, what even is this?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-01
Updated: 2016-01-01
Packaged: 2018-05-10 22:35:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5603455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NaraMerald/pseuds/NaraMerald
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Because Jeongguk is evil, and eventually Namjoon just decides to say "Fuck it!"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fuck it!

**Author's Note:**

> I was supposed to post Jimin’s chapter for NYE. But I didn’t. It’s not even finished. Nowhere near. But have this… late. Like, it’s still NY somewhere right?
> 
> Also please note that character!RapMon is grumpy and does a bit of badmouthing of everyone. This reflects neither Bangtan’s opinions nor my own.
> 
> Dedicated to my newest Irish drinking bro, for whom “Fuck it” is a way of life, not just a slogan. Oh yeah, so I live in Japan now.

“Jesus Joonie, you’ve done it again,” Seokjin whistles as he scrolls through the seemingly endless angry comments. 

“Fuck, what did I do now?” Namjoon groans, and Jimin comes up behind them. 

“Shit hyung, that’s not Taehyung,” Jimin’s eyebrows are practically in his hair. 

“Not TaeTae? Then who is it-shit,” Hoseok swears. 

Namjoon soooo does not want to know. 

“Hyung… you uploaded a derp picture of …” Jimin begins. 

“Nooo,” Namjoon tries to tune him out. 

“Fuck me, is that Jongin-sshi?” Jeongguk yells out. 

“Language!” Hoseok gives a half-assed yell back. 

“Bite me, hyung,” Jeongguk is the least respectful dongsaeng ever, they all swear. 

“It’s like everything you touch turns to shit, hyung…” Jimin says in awe. 

No one can really disagree with this. 

“Fuck it, hyung,” Jeongguk shrugs passive-aggressively. 

“Easier said than done,” Namjoon says moodily. 

“Don’t even try for the rest of this week. Seriously, just fuck it…” Jeongguk suggests again. 

Hoseok and Jimin look uneasily at each other. 

“Well, it can’t go worse, can it?” Seokjin shrugs practically, “…just a week…”

“If it does, we’ll just give him a cancer scare,” Jeongguk says ruthlessly. 

“Jeonggukie!” Jimin and Hoseok yell. 

“What?” Jeongguk gives them his most innocent look, which would fool them, if they didn’t already know he had a heart of coal. 

“Aigoo, that dongsaeng…” Hoseok trails off. 

… 

It’s Hoseok who gets the joy of warning Yoongi and Taehyung, busy online. 

“Whatcha upto?” he slings an arm around TaeTae, sitting down next to them. Yoongi is laughing so hard he has tears in his eyes. 

“…fan… theories…” he snickers. 

Yoongi and Tae’s favourite past time lately has been signing into Bangtan accounts and the fan café as various members and leaving cryptic messages. 

“…fucking stars…” Yoongi wheezes. 

“Guys…” Hoseok tries to begin. 

“… because stars aren’t fucking… generic…” he snorts. 

“Can we leave a random number up again?!” Taehyung suggests with a grin. They’ve all been guilty of the competition where they pick a word or a number to post in the fan café or on Twitter. Whoever’s word’s fan theory is the most impressive (and most plausible to link to) wins. 

“Guys…” Hoseok is getting nowhere fast. 

“Do something interesting though…” Yoongi grumbles. 

“Oooh, I’ll post the infinity symbol,” Taehyung grins, impressed with himself. Yoongi gives him a lazy thumbs up. 

Hoseok gives up- they’ll find out about Namjoon’s plans when the apocalypse happens. It happens sooner than he thinks. 

… 

Jackson is being an annoying little shit. Yeah, they’re friends and all (“BRO!” Jackson had yelled. “BRO!” Jimin and Taehyung had screamed back. Namjoon had a giant headache.) 

Namjoon wants to tell them all to shut up (he thinks Jaebum is about to do it a few times, but sees the moment Jaebum realises the camera is on them backstage) and just grits his teeth when Jeongguk sidles up to him with an innocent grin. 

“Hey hyung…” Jeongguk offers. 

“Yeah?” Namjoon just wants to go to sleep. He’s too old for this shit. 

“Fuck it,” Jeongguk winks at him, before suddenly he’s gone, busy poking Yoongi in his sleep and snickering. Sometimes Namjoon wonders if something is wired a little differently in the maknae’s head. Sometimes Namjoon thinks he just wants to set the world on fire- literally. 

And yet, as Namjoon walks behind Jaebum ready for their shared stage, he remembers their words. So when Jackson screams in his ear again, Namjoon mutters fuck it, and pushes that asshole. He can see the surprise in everyone’s eyes- at first, Namjoon thinks Jin’s horrified because if Namjoon wasn’t in shit with the Netizens before, he sure as fuck will be if anyone ever sees that. 

Then Namjoon realises it’s horror because the set lighting has come loose and a giant stage light literally smashes to the ground where Jackson was with a loud BANG. They’re all shocked, and Namjoon’s arm seems to be on fire. It’s only when Jaebum, already checking on Jackson, spins around and grabs his arm does Namjoon realise the light caught his arm on the way down. There’s a red line down his forearm, already beginning to well up with blood. Then the staff surround them all, and it’s all on from there. 

… 

“I saw your face hyung,” grins Jeongguk quietly, once they’re back at the dorm. Tae and Yoongi have snuck off to check their latest “teaser” phrase- Yoongi having used “ephemeral” to Taehyung’s “infinity”. Jimin has agreed to be their official judge and the fan theories continue to grow. 

“Oh?” Seokjin enquires, intrigued. 

“Everyone says you heroically pushed Jackson out of the way when you noticed the light fall,” Jeongguk continues in a sing-song voice. It’s true. The video got leaked and now BTS Rap Monster is famous for saving his hoobae. For once, Rap Monster is receiving positive press- Namjoon wants to laugh, or cry. He’s not sure which. 

“I thought that was odd… you never notice anything…” Seokjin wonders to himself, before… “…wait…” 

Namjoon sees comprehension dawn in Seokjin’s face. 

“Fuck it,” grins Jeongguk, because apparently, Namjoon reflects, this kid is actually Satan’s spawn. 

“…you… that… Jackson… wha…?” Seokjin is trying to put two and two together.

“Hyung, I had no idea about the light. I was just tired of Jackson yelling in my ear…” complains Namjoon. 

“Aigoo…” Hoseok whispers. Jeongguk slinks back into the darkness, to steal someone’s soul, or whatever else he does in their downtime. Namjoon’s never quite sure.

… 

Honestly, Namjoon is over this week in general. Jin’s assured him 3 times that Maknae line aren’t on drugs, that they’re just hyped up on “life” or whatever, but Jeongguk made Namjoon pay him 10, 000 won just to direct the brunt of their energy towards Yoongi. (Yoongi is suffering immensely, and it’s 10,000 won Namjoon considers well spent. He’s just indignant that he had to buy his peace.) 

It’s basically all B & E bands at tonight’s show, because they’ve squeezed Exid, BAP, BTOB, dragged Evol out from whichever shelf their company abandoned them on and some other group Namjoon doesn’t know or care about. EXO is on stage at the moment. He should be sitting at the front, smiling for the camera and pretending to nod his head. 

“Fuck it,” he whispers to himself, because does not give a flying fuck which of their SM-bland-box-songs is happening now. He finds a seat next to some other guy in crutches and enjoys the next few performances half asleep. He doesn’t even realise the cameras catch him until later. 

… 

“Joonie, you’re making headlines again,” Seokjin breathes. 

“Hey, why now?” Jimin asks curiously. 

“‘BTS Rap Monster shows support for injured EXO member’,” Seokjin reads. 

“What?” Namjoon asks blankly. He’s got literally no idea what the story is about or where it came from. 

“ ‘BTS Rapmon showed his support for EXO by sitting next to injured EXO member DO. DO was injured earlier in the week and was unable to perform for SBS Inkigayo, instead having to sit in the audience and watch the other members. Rap Monster, previously making headlines for accidentally uploading an unflattering picture of Kai, sat next to DO so he didn’t have to watch his band perform without him all alone! Aww, ARMYs and EXO-Ls, isn’t it great to see the two groups getting along?” Seokjin reads aloud.

“Hyung…” Jimin’s surprise shows in his wide eyes. 

“Let me guess… you didn’t know who DO was…” Hoseok can see where this conversation is going. 

“Shit,” Namjoon says, impressed with himself. 

In the background he can hear Jeongguk arguing with Taehyung that at the moment, Yoongi’s fan theories are more impressive. 

“No but like…” Jeongguk snorts, interrupting his own fan impersonation, “…like, if it’s Peterpan, then ‘Ephemeral’ ties into the shortlived joy of childhood…” 

Taehyung sticks his tongue out at Jeongguk and Yoongi. Hoseok looks at them both with a sigh.

“Aigoo…” 

… 

 

In the last show of the week, Namjoon makes an honest mistake. After a muttered “Fuck it”, he decides to go and chat to Yoongi rather than actually practise his ad-libbing and post-performance commentary. 

It’s a genuinely bewildering 1.5 minutes with an overly awed Yoongi before Namjoon realises _it’s not Yoongi_. And the minute he realises, he wonders how the fuck he could have made that mistake because this guy’s nothing like Yoongi. And also, shit, Yoongi never better fucking find out or he’ll kill Namjoon and no one will ever find the pieces. 

He starts desperately signalling to Jeongguk, the only one who can see his predicament, who smirks from a corner and just waves nicely. No help from the maknae then. And somehow one good luck handshake becomes 13 handshakes and who even are these kids? 

By the time he’s finished bowing and accepting their awed compliments, he feels downright dizzy and extremely regretful. 

… 

Back in the dorm Namjoon just wants some kimbap. 

“But read this: ‘Infinity is a symbol as well as a word. It shows the love the boys have for each other. No matter how many times they live or die, no matter how many lifetimes, infinity with Bangtan Sonyeondan!’ How is that not a winner?” Taehyung argues from the computer screen. 

“Well, it gets points for err, lameness?” Jimin grimaces, then dodging Taehyung’s mock-fist, retreats to the kitchen in the midst of Yoongi’s evil laughter. 

“Hey Joonie, considering this week, I feel like it’s fair to say you didn’t mean to do this,” Seokjin points to the newest headlines. Since Jin doesn’t sound upset, he wanders over. 

“‘BTS Rap Monster cheering on Seventeen!’,” reads Hoseok curiously. 

“Shit Namjoon, Vernon said you were so nice you inspired him to be a better rapper!” Seokjin marvels. 

“It was fucking hilarious,” snickers Jeongguk. 

“Language!” Jimin calls half-heartedly out from the kitchen. Jeongguk gives him the finger where he can’t see. 

Seokjin watches Jeongguk’s reaction, before gazing back to Namjoon. 

“Oh Joonie, you didn’t…” Seokjin says, with a vaguely horrified glance towards Yoongi. Namjoon grimaces and makes motions to frantically shut Seokjin up. He’s not proud of it. 

“What? What?” Hoseok asks, dying of curiosity. Jeongguk grins, happy to ruin Namjoon’s life, before pulling up a comparison picture of Yoongi and Woozi, then drawing everyone’s attention. 

It only takes a second for Yoongi to get it, slowly turning to face Namjoon, whose guilty face admits it all. He takes a split second to glare at Jeongguk. 

“Fuck it,” Jeongguk grins. 

The last thing Namjoon hears as he runs for his life, chased by Yoongi, is Hoseok’s wailed “Aigoo!”


End file.
